I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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