it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
