New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
