I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
