when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
