my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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