Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
