Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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