there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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