Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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