just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
