Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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