What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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