I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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