Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
