i need an iv and a liver transplant
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
