I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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