I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
