i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
