what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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