so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
