I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
