I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
