im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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