Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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