so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
