is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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