you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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