You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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