I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
