I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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