Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
