We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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