Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
