Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
