Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We're hate flirting, damnit.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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