I wish I could punch you in the face.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
