I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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