can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
