Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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