you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
