I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
