Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
