There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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