My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
