I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
