All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
false alarm, still single
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
