DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
