the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
