My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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