oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
